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Post by
lightnstuff
I'm experimenting with this kind of story.
Teleta Bloodhoof stood on a boulder, surveying the battlefield below. The cold wind of Dragonblight blew through the bows of the trees, as the army marched towards Icecrown. The carnage was immense, and her mercenaries fought the scourge relentlessly. Mortals' Edge they were named, a regiment strong composed of the various mortal races of azeroth. Elves, Orcs, Humans, Trolls, and Dwarves all fought together. There were some with enough vision to focus on the Lich Kings forces without falling into petty bickering, unlike other factions.
The infantry cut forward into the block of undead, with little resistance, but something caught her eye. A force of cavalry, deathknights by the look of it, charged from the west.
"Thorson's squadron, FACE WEST."
The cavalry, all rams, turned to face the moving force of deathknights.
"COUNTERCHARGE"
The two forces clashed, and the ram's great horns crushed through the first wave of undead, and then peeled away to ram the deathknights again.
As she turned to view the infantry again, a large ward flared up to block a spell cast by the undead. A large lich with several skeletons wove a spell onto her forces.
"Dawn-Wing's arcanists, BOLSTER THE WARDS, mana breakers, CRUSH THE LICH!"
The ward brightened, and a force of mixed elves rushed the undead casters. In the meantime, the fight in the air turned poor. A very large pod of ember wyrm approached from the north. Behind her, a large squadron of hippogryphs stood, both their riders and the beasts were eager for battle. She nodded to Fendrior, the commander and a close freind, not watching as they took to the skies.
"Your end has come mortals! I bring the wrath of the Lich King!"
The voice seemed to come from nowhere. A ghost formed in front of Teleta, wearing heavy armor.
"Mercenaries, you are nothing to the power of the horde and alliance, let alone the Lich King! Surre-"
Teleta did not wait any longer to smack the wraith with her shield, consecrated by one of her paladins, knocking the wraith off balance.
"You dare strike me?" The wraith unsheathed his weapon and took a battle stance. As he drew to swing, he started to fade. Light ate away at his being, searing away his spectral existence.
"Wait! My lord, no! I'm not done here yet..."
The battle continued to rage below. The infantry was advancing steadily through the undead mass, but was soon going to reach the fortified abominations, and she feared for their lives.
"Il'dien! Come here."
"Aye ma'am?"
"Take a group of your mages and see if you can set fire to some of those flesh giants."
"Aye ma'am!"
She turned her attention back to her Mana Breakers. They were in route, all of the skeletons were dead, but the Lich held his own and was continuing to cause damage within the ranks.
"Grek'mar"
"Yes ma'am!"
"Take command while I deal with the lich."
"As you wish ma'am." The orc stood resolute, then returned to observing the battlefield.
Post by
lightnstuff
Teleta jumped off the rocks and marched down the pass, ordering a brigade of infantry to follow her. The warriors hewed through the few undead in their way, a wicked storm of hacked limbs flew through the air. The distance between the destructive lich grew smaller, until he was visible in great detail.
Dessicated bits of flesh hung to his gaunt bones, and rather than the usual cloth robes of the lich he wore heavy plate armor, with various glyphs. To Teleta's horror she realized it was not a human's skull that floated upon the corpse but rather that of a tauren.
"I've waited a long time for this Teleta."
Turning to the soldiers that followed her, she spoke, "Go flank the scourge archers lest they wreak more havoc upon our soldiers." Then, she turned back to the lich, "Why did you do it?"
"You refused me, despite all my skill and strength, you turned away from me, and so I needed more. I heard the call long ago, the Lich King said that he would give me all the strength I needed. I love you Teleta, and when you join us you will see."
"No."
"We needn't fight. This could be easier, your men will suffer no more losses and be free to turn back to whence they came."
The warrior hesitated, then her concerned expression gave way to anger. "LIAR! I am Teleta Blood-Hoof, daughter of the High Chief's cousin, and my mother is the great huntress Neytha Flathoof, slayer of Galrung the black hound of the legion! You were were not worthy Gyarm, and never will be. War is in my blood and I shall not surrender!"
She charged the monster, smacking it with her shield and immediately thrusting with the spear of her mother, Ninghost, the hound's bane. The lich was hurled backwards in a great burst of flame, catching itself and drawing it's own weapon, a massive two handed sword.
"So be it Teleta, I will fight you, and then raise you so you shall remain by my side. Forever."
Holding her shield and spear she thrusted again, flames crackling off of the head of the spear, right into one of the exposed ribs. It snapped, and the Lich clutched it, then paid it no more heed. With more speed than expected from a corpse it swung the sword horizontally at Teleta. She ducked and rolled inside the defenses of the lich, and smacked him as hard as she could with the shield. The holy energy seared his bones black and he cried out in pain. A wave of magic rippled out and knocked Teleta off her hooves. She barely brought the shield up in time to deflect the fatal stab. Vaulting herself up with the spear she pounced upon the lich, and thrust her spear right at the Lich's head. Another inferno burst from the spear, sending the lich flying. Gyarm landed, on his back, and not bothering to pick himself up teleported away.
As soon as the Lich vanished, the last resistance of the undead buckled, and the living broke their fragile bones. The death knights routed, and the hippogriphs pursued the fleeing gargoyles and wyrms. Teleta walked back to the rise, to conclude the battle.
Post by
lightnstuff
reserved
Post by
lightnstuff
Don't mean to bump but I updated this. Still no feed back.
Post by
Orranis
A good start. I have two major problems with it.
The first one is that you seem to show, not tell. I am a lover of detail, and hearing people note that things happen, but not actually describe them, bores me. I feel like I'm reading a history text book.
Take this example:
She charged the monster, smacking it with her shield and immediately thrusting with the spear of her mother, Ninghost, the hound's bane. The lich was hurled backwards in a great burst of flame, catching itself and drawing it's own weapon, a massive two handed sword.
Then replace it with this:
Teleta rushed forward the monster, spear outstretched. All her focus was on him, and the rest of the world had become a swift blur of color, as she ran past it. Her enemy, equally intent on her, stepped left in an uncannily fast motion. It did not seemed like he moved, more like he was simply there one moment and suddenly he existed once more, only a few feet left. Luckily, the spear had been a ruse. She shifted her weight quickly, so that she almost fell over left. Her shield connected with bone in a hollow sounding crack, and the Tauren stumbled back, reeling. He had expected to dodge the blow, and was stunned. Teleta did not think about taking advantage of this, her body simply did. No longer was the fighting planned, it was all instinctive. She drove Ninghost, the hounds bane, into his thinly fleshed chest. It struck bone, but instead of piercing it, it seemed to retract. Then she felt a great burst of heat, and from the tip of the spear blossomed a fiery red and yellow fire. Then she realized what was happening, and the thundering crack of an explosion rang out. The Undead was thrown backwards, tumbling throuh the air as if he were a puppet with cut strings. He landed on his feet, and though his ankle bones bent and near shattered, he did not even notice. He put his arms up, and drew from his back a fearsome blade. It was almost as big as he was, and bigger than Teleta. It was forged from dark metals, though bright icy blue runes glowed on the flat of it's blade, giving it a blueish hue. A fearsome weapon indeed.
Post by
lightnstuff
All right I'll keep that in mind as I write the third one.
Post by
Orranis
Ahh, and I forgot my other comment. Have you ever seen the Star Trek series? Your Tauren feels like a Red Shirt. I think this should have gone in the fourth chapter (or so), after we've gotten to know him and like him. He goes off somewhere and becomes a Lich. If you kill him off just as we meet him, we really can't feel anything. It also brings up another question. You need to display her feelings a little more. Is she sad he's dead? Or is she content that he's finally at rest?
Your good friend, Face.
Post by
lightnstuff
He's not finished though, he left.
Post by
Orranis
Aaah... Undead deaths are difficult to understand. I missed the teleport part though.
Post by
Morec0
Chillingly good - ha ha.
Post by
Orranis
Chillingly good - ha ha.
*Facepalm*.
Post by
lightnstuff
Aye...that was bad.
Post by
Morec0
Well someone had to say it...
Post by
Adamsm
Morec always hits us with the bad puns.
Post by
Morec0
That - and TFN - is pretty much why I'm here.
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