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My boyfriend is pretending to be a girl, am I overreacting?
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Post by
ElhonnaDS
Off Topic people are some chill people.
My Irony-radar just exploded.
No we are. Most of the people who come here just to cause trouble don't last too long before getting banned.
Post by
392412
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Gone
... You clearly haven't spent much time here or spoken to her.
Lol seriously, since when is Elhonna ever anything but level headed?
Of course as one of the more hot headed people on the site myself, maybe I'm just numb to other levels of it...
Post by
asakawa
There's a topic. Let's stick to it.(##RESPBREAK##)16##DELIM##asakawa##DELIM##
Post by
1093971
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Post by
193475
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
1093971
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Gone
I would take the month and just not talk to him at all, even if he messages you again saying he misses you and wants to talk, ignore it, believe me I've seen this kind of behavior before. After enough time goes by when you have no communication with him, you will feel better, and realize you can live without him. Then you can move on and find somebody else.
Post by
1069282
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
Oh absolutely give up- if this person cannot be bothered to communicate with you, you are not important to him. Period.
Post by
Nathanyal
Something I haven't seen mentioned is if he's talking to these girls and they know he's a guy or are they talking with him and thinking he's a girl.
If he's acting like a girl when calling them doll/Hun and talking about what their character is wearing, then that's just part of his role playing in the game. But if they know he's is actually a GIRL, then there is something strange about that.
Either way though, the abusive language is still uncalled for.
Post by
1093971
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
Something I haven't seen mentioned is if he's talking to these girls and they know he's a guy or are they talking with him and thinking he's a girl.
If he's acting like a girl when calling them doll/Hun and talking about what their character is wearing, then that's just part of his role playing in the game. But if they know he's is actually a GIRL, then there is something strange about that.
Either way though, the abusive language is still uncalled for.
She says that he has told her that she cannot play with him unless she pretends to be a guy, and doesn't blow his cover. It implies that he is very much against these girls finding out he's a guy, and it also means, as she said he was getting pics from them, that he getting those photos under false pretenses.
Regardless of whether or not it is "ok" for him to pretend to be a girl, she should as a person in a relationship be able to count on the other person in the relationship to communicate with her when she is upset, to make time for her on some level, etc. If he refuses- and he refuses to spend time with other women- then there is absolutely no respect or consideration on his end anymore. Whether her earlier behavior did or did not lead to this situation has a lot less to do with what she should do now then whether or not this situation is one from which a healthy relationship can emerge. I don't think it can, not with one person now putting in any effort at all. Not with one person who seems to have nothing but irritation and anger towards her 99% of the time.
@Chanchan- Whether or not they WOULD have been different is not relevant to how things are now. If my first fiancee had put any time or effort into what I needed in that relationship, instead of being so eaten up with his own issues and needs that he had nothing left for me, then I would never have left. But by the time I was ready to leave, I was so resentful of all the times that I had pulled out all the stops for him on something romantic or sexy, and he had walked right past me and ignored it, of all the times I had worked a 16 hour day and had to come home and spend an additional 2 hours comforting him because he was upset about something, and of all the months where on the single day off that I had with him (I was working six days) he spent his whole day with his guy friends every single week, that even if he had at that moment promised and come through with everything he had never done in the relationship, I would have still been so far past the point where my love for him wasn't completely poisoned with all of the disappointment and anger, that it wouldn't have made the relationship what it would have been if he had never started to ignore me. Even if from that point forward everything had been perfect, I no longer would have trusted him to be there for me, I no longer would have had the confidence in what response I'd get to try and initiate anything romantic, and I would still enter into every situation thinking he was going to let me down. Because he had done it for years.
It might be that the situation would have been different if you hadn't made the mistakes you made. That's a good lesson to take, and to make sure that you don't make them again with the next relationship. But right now, there is nothing that is going to make this relationship what it would have been if things had never gone sour. You have to make decisions based on the way things are right now.(##RESPBREAK##)8##DELIM##ElhonnaDS##DELIM##
Post by
Adamsm
Just dump the guy in all honesty; at this point, it's fairly obvious he doesn't give a rat's butt about you.
Post by
Gone
I also do not appreciate my other half ogling at half naked costumes unless he'd be enjoying the thought of having it on me.. But that's just me.
To be fair, that is kind of just typical guy behavior. In every demographic media tends to appeal to stuff like that, whether it's a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, or anime with a lot of fanservice. There is a difference between checking out a toon or a girl in a movie wearing a @#$%ty outfit, and outright cheating. As long ah he's not checking out girls in front of you, or has a warchest full of porn or something, I don't think it's crossing a line.
That being said his other behavior, the flirting and the way he speaks to you sounds like its way over the line.
Post by
1093971
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
@Elhonna: I very much agree with you. To be fair, as harsh as I've been with him in the past, I have never neglected him, nor refused to listen to his concerns. I've always been available for him & would choose to be with him over anything else. However, I did release my anger out on him a ton & he's been there for me throughout my toughest times for nearly a year and a half. Him changing was very drastic and sudden. Normally, when a person begins to change.. you can start seeing the signs, slow n steady.. His change was very sudden. It was an overnight thing. I wonder if he'll ever look back one day, and miss the memories / moments we'd spent together, and have some regret in him.. Part of me, still hopes he'd contact me someday.. As much as I know this is very unlikely to work like it once did..
My advice, would to be to go out and try and spend more time with your friends, or meet some new people. Maybe buy a couple of new outfits or get your hair styled differently, look into a new hobby that has interested you, join up to do some kind of volunteering or join a recreational club, etc. Do something that is about you moving on with your life and doing things as a single person. Anything to get your mind off him, and start finding other things to fill your time. Don't go out looking for someone new right away- kind of just go out be you, and remember what it was to just be you, and not be part of the relationship.(##RESPBREAK##)8##DELIM##ElhonnaDS##DELIM##
Post by
1093971
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Post by
ElhonnaDS
It may be that he stayed with you, but he resented it, and what you are seeing now is the end result of him staying and "taking it," and building up these negative feelings, rather than leaving. It may be that it would have been better off if he hadn't, because now he feels justified in punishing you for it, and there won't be an end in sight if that's where his mind is at.
I know that you feel that you owe him gratitude for staying through your verbal abuse, but I have to ask- what benefit are you giving him by staying if all you are doing is making each other miserable? Do you think one person being abusive because the other "deserves" it is somehow a healthier situation than any other emotionally abusive situation? Even if you were to say that you deserved bad treatment for what you did, what favor is it to him for you to stay and be punished, when he clearly has very little interest in dealing with you, rather than leaving so he doesn't constantly rehash whatever negative feelings he has for you and so he can move on in a direction that makes him actually happy? Because as miserable as he is making you, it sounds like he's miserable in his dealings with you as well.(##RESPBREAK##)8##DELIM##ElhonnaDS##DELIM##
Post by
ZombieCakes
I actually went through this kind of thing back when my boyfriend & I played WoW. He pretended to be a girl & always hung out with this bi chick, who also sent him pictures (which weren't even really her..). I'd delete her all the time too and he'd just get mad at me. I confronted him in the end, for good, told him I considered these kind of actions as cheating and that if he didn't stop, it was over.
After that, we had this long talk, and he claimed that it was because he was so insecure in the real world, etc, etc.
Eventually we switched servers & started over with new friends & all. Though, we don't play WoW anymore, these are people that are still close to us, and we still talk on skype & such. Which is great! It's like those dark days never even happened.
Honestly it's up to you, if you confront him & give him an ultimatum, you might just get to a conclusion. It might not end up as well, you could end up losing him, but you should think that it might just be for the best :c Good luck!
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