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Legends are Never Forgotten: Prologue (Original Thread)
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Post by
BrundenValorwind
I am RE-writing EVERYTHING! With the help of a good friend of mine, I have realized that my former story was and is terrible, lore-conflicting, and boring. Here is my new rendition of the story: Legends are Never Forgotten! Enjoy!
This fan-fiction is dedicated to all the Warcraft Lore fans out there, and to all the guilds I have been in during my time playing World of Warcraft. Those are, the
Poor Knights of Elwynn
, the
Lordaeron Temple Knights
, and
The Hand of Lordaeron
. You have given me great memories and educated me on new lore. I thank you all. We serve by Blood and Honor! I wish you the best of reading as you enjoy this epic piece of art!
A special thank you to my best friend, Paul Brinks, or by his character name, Andrel Derethane. Without you, I would have never been educated on the great, rich lore of Warcraft, and would have never written this grand, epic tale. Thanks again, and Light be with you, Andrel.
Lastly, but most importantly, I want to thank the creators of this epic and rich lore, Blizzard Entertainment. But out of the whole company, I think the most person who deserves praise is none other than, Chris Metzen - Vice President of Creative Development. Without this lore, Warcraft would have never been the same. Thank you.
Winter; The Shattering;
Farien Longstride;
Lore-Master and Writer;
“Legends are Never Forgotten”;
Prologue:
Chaos and conflict was present in the Eastern Kingdoms of Azeroth. The Alliance Capital of Stormwind had gone into war with the recently invading Orcish Hordes, who had entered their world through what was known as The Dark Portal. All of the small towns in the Elwynn forest tried holding their ground against these alien invaders, one specifically known as the Grand Hamlet. Amongst all the fleeing townsfolk, there were a single family, the Valorwind family, whom stayed in their house. They were discussing about their eldest son Garrien, whom was going to fight these orcish warriors.
“Mother, Father... I will do fine out there. After learning from you Father, I am certain that I will come back home, that’s a promise,” the young adult, Garrien, said calmly.
The father of the family, James Valorwind, replied, “Very well Garrien. I have something for you before you leave.”
Garrien furrowed his brow in confusion, “What?” He walked towards his father who held a purple glowing silver ring, on it was engraved the seal of the Alliance. “This ring, has been passed down through generations, and it has always given good luck to those that wear it. Keep it, you’ll need whatever luck you can get out there,” James said with a smile.
Garrien smiled in return and accepted the ring, wearing it around his neck as an amulet. “Thank you, father.”
James got one last look of his son and said, “Go with honor, my son.” And then Garrien left, eager to fight the orcs.
“I’m sorry dear, he will be fine,” James said to his wife, Mary, whom was weeping. “We will be fine, as well as our new member to the family,” he added, looking at the newly borne babe in his wife’s arms.
James took held of the babe in his arms, rocking him in a cradle like fashion. He whispered into his child’s ear, “Oh, my son... You have a great destiny ahead of you, I can see it. You shall make me a proud father. You will be called: Brunden Valorwind, the Lightstone.” The babe then smiled, extending his hand to grab his father’s nose. James chuckled lightly and ruffled with the boy’s hair.
He gave the babe back to his wife before grabbing his sword and luggage and saying, “Pack your things dear, were heading north... To Lordaeron.”
Post by
Mojoworkn
The Pros:
The idea behind your prologue, and the rest of the story that I have read multiple times, is excellent. It seems that you have developed excellent backgrounds for Brunden and Morvane, and each of those characters has a drive for their actions that not only makes a believable story, but drives the plot forward. Your voice, as a writer and narrator, is prominent throughout this short piece and does add to the drama a bit. I can tell you're really excited about this piece.
The Cons:
Don't be discouraged by the exorbitant amount of "negative" feedback that I will give you. As a writer, you can decide whether or not to use my feedback, but do keep my feedback in the back of your mind if you decide not to use it, as we are your readers, and thus the people you are trying to impress and captivate.
While lore characters have their place in lore, I, as well as my fellow Lore&RP members, strongly advise that major lore characters are not used in fanfiction. It is perfectly okay to mention the character or have them perform a very minor role (in the first fanfiction I did, I found myself having Velen say a very short dialogue). What is
not
okay is having them act as a main character or plot device. I would suggest creating a new character to induct Brunden in to the Silver Hand, rather than have Tirion do it.
Grammatical and spelling errors are present throughout the piece. ...I would avoid ellipses if possible. Use them in rare occasions if you want to portray irony or to tell the reader "there's more here than I'm actually telling you."“Enough about this ramble Morvane. I’ve already told you that Brunden deserves this because, unlike you, he is a honest and true follower of the Light. You’ve missed your lessons and do not participate in weekly sermons.” Tirion said,The one picky grammatical thing I have that applies to all of your dialogue is instead of having a period at the end of the quotation, put a comma whenever you have a "he/she said" after the quote. 2 Change to "two." Save the numerals for math. :P YourYour vs. You're vs. You're. Same goes for To vs. Two vs. Too.
In my opinion, it was a tad short of a prologue that is supposed to set up the whole story. Search for some of the other fanfiction that is on this board. Much of Morec's and Hyper's (though everyone on this board has a good grasp of length) is perfect in length. Not too long, but not too short.
Last Thoughts:
What is the goal of this piece? What do you intend to do with it? What does writing about Brunden make you feel? Are you trying to portray a moral quality? Is it a character backstory for some bigger project? Whatever the answers may be, never forget about your goal. Always keep your eyes on that goal, and have everything in your piece contribute to that end goal.
You are a blossoming, young, writer. The best advice I can give you is to keep writing. Please please please keep writing. Whether it be on a blog, or diary entries, or whatever it is that makes you keep writing, do it. Coupled with that, read good books. Set aside a time to read books and critically analyze them while you enjoy the author's work of art. Ask yourself "What could I have done better?", and if it makes you write, write a book recommendation for it.
With all this writing and reading, you will hone your skills as a writer and thinker and be able to develop great fanfiction with ease. The whole reason why I joined this board in the first place was to keep myself writing in a fun and interesting way. In no way am I an expert (which is why you should take my feedback as a grain of salt), but I do hope that I was helpful and encouraging at the same time.
I promise I won't be as lengthy on your other posts. Keep writing bud! :)
Post by
BrundenValorwind
Re-writing the whole story, will post as I write... Enjoy!
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